Has Max Seen You in Your Boxers?
by KatyGrace
Summary: Crazy fangirl Jess asks Fang a bunch of insanely funny questions on his blog. Fang replies for the lulz. Some Max and Fang love and plenty of humor. Max may later comment.
1. Q&A

_Author's Note_

_Disclaimer: Maximum Ride belongs to James Patterson. A lot of these questions and answers are from the actual series (FANG, book six) I added new ones and changed some minor stuff. Don't yell at me for copying, I'm explaining it all to you now._

_I had so much fun making this, guys. Made me smile._

_If I have time, I plan to do another chapter with Max commenting on each question answer. _

_Enjoy reading!_

* * *

><p><strong>You're reading Fang's blog. Welcome!<br>****You are visitor #3,821,643**

_Chilling at home in Colorado O'clock_

Yo,  
>Fang here. Just had to reply to these comments, they were too freaking funny. Never underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.<p>

From Jess:  
>FANG.<br>I've commented on your blog since THE FIRST FREAKING DAY YOU MADE IT. You answer other people's STUPID questions but not MINE.  
>YOU REALLY ASKED FOR IT, BUDDY.<br>I'm just gonna comment with this until you answer at least one of my questions.

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?  
>No, mon.<p>

DO YOU MOLT?  
>Gross.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR STAR SIGN?  
>Dunno. "Angel, what's my star sign?" She says Scorpio.<p>

HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?  
>No.<p>

DOES NOT HAVING AN EXTRA POWER MAKE YOU ANGRY?  
>Well, that's not, technically speaking, true…<p>

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?  
>No.<p>

CAN IGGY DO THE MOONWALK?  
>Yeah, and it's beast. So can Gazzy.<p>

DO YOU USE HAIR GEL OR ANY OTHER HAIR PRODUCTS TO MAKE YOUR HAIR SEXY?  
>No. My hair is sexy?<p>

DO YOU SHAMPOO YOUR WINGS WHEN YOU TAKE A SHOWER?  
>No. I'd rather not be kicking someone's butt with fruity smells coming from my back. No one would take me seriously.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?  
>There are a lot. I enjoyed Inception, though. And the Matrix. Badassery at its finest.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF MUSIC?  
>Rock.<p>

WHAT'S THE FLOCK'S FAVORITE MUSICAL GROUP?  
>A couple of mine are Three Days Grace, Greenday, Breaking Benjamin, etc. Max likes rock too, along with some chick named Sara Bareilles, and Nudge likes Miley Cyrus (gag!) Iggy and Gazzy love rap.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?  
>Don't have one.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?  
>Max, when she's not covered in blood andor dirt.

DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?  
>No, not really. More like mildly irritated, amused.<p>

IF I WALKED UP TO YOU RANDOMLY AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?  
>You'd probably get kicked. When you reveal who you are, you'd probably just get kicked again.<p>

DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?  
>Only by certain people.<p>

ARE YOU GOING EMO BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING AT SAVING THE WORLD?  
>Not the emo thing again.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?  
>Anything served to me fresh and hot by Iggy.<p>

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH TODAY?  
>Four turkey sandwiches. Lemonade. Two pieces of apple pie.<p>

DID YOU EVEN HAVE LUNCH TODAY?  
>See above.<p>

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?  
>I was still alive, so I think not.<p>

DO YOU LIKE MAX? A LOT?  
>Yes.<p>

DO YOU _LOVE _MAX? A LOT?  
>See above.<p>

DO YOU LIKE ME?  
>I think you're funny, even if you are a little off-kilter.<p>

DOES IGGY LIKE ME?  
>Iggy doesn't know who you are.<p>

DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?  
>No. Ick.<p>

IS IT ABOUT MAX?  
>Ahh. No.<p>

IS IT ABOUT ARI?  
>Don't bring up Ari. And no.<p>

IS IT ABOUT JEB?  
>Why do you assume I write depressing poetry?<p>

ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK MY COMMENTS?  
>Clearly not.<p>

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?  
>A Perfect Circle t-shirt. Jeans, black Vans.<p>

DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>No freaking comment.<p>

DOES MAX KNOW IF YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>Again, no freaking comment.<p>

HAS MAX SEEN YOU IN BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>I'm not answering this question.<p>

WHAT BRAND ARE YOUR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>Why are you obsessed with my underpants?<p>

DID YOU FIND THOSE QUESTIONS PERSONAL?  
>Personal is an understatement. More like stalkerish.<p>

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?  
>Sometimes. Cheap ones.<p>

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?  
>Seeing would be tough if I did that.<p>

DO YOU SMOKE COCONUTS LIKE WE DO?  
>Huh?<p>

DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?  
>Max is blonde. You take it from there.<p>

DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?  
>All fanged creatures rock.<p>

ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDED TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING LISSA? AND BY KISSING MAX?  
>No.<p>

DO YOU THINK IGGY IS HOT?  
>I don't play for that team. Ask Ella, she'll tell you.<p>

WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?  
>Yes.<p>

DO YOU LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT?  
>She's okay, I guess.<p>

DO YOU LIKE BEING CALLED EMO?  
>No.<p>

ARE YOU EMO?  
>Do you see me slitting my wrists?<p>

ARE YOU GOTH?  
>Whatever.<p>

DO YOU LIKE BACON?  
>Yes. I had bacon for breakfast.<p>

DO YOU LIKE EATING?  
>Who doesn't love eating? It's a hobby of mine.<p>

HEY, HEY! YOU, YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY! CAN I BE YOUR NEW ONE?  
>No.<p>

DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?  
>Are you suggesting that you secretly think I'm the sexiest person in the world?<p>

DOES MAX SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?  
>You'd have to ask her.<p>

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX?  
>That is classified information I do not disclose to the common public.<p>

HAS ANGEL EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX AND GONE "EWW"?  
>Hahahaha. No. If she did, though, she probably wouldn't say 'eww'. Angel's a creepy kid.<p>

DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?  
>SpongeBob is a freaking God.<p>

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?  
>Oh, yeah, of course.<p>

ARE YOU A GOOD COOK?  
>Iggy cooks.<p>

DO YOU LIKE COOKING?  
>I like eating.<p>

IS MAX A GOOD COOK?  
>You know the answer to that.<p>

DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?  
>I thought it was obvious.<p>

DO YOU WANT TO NEVER GROW UP?  
>I probably won't have the chance to anyway, considering the apocalypse.<p>

DO YOU NOT CARE WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS AS LONG AS IT'S ABOUT YOU?  
>Whatever.<p>

WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO PLAY POKER?  
>Online.<p>

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?  
>Totally.<p>

OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES IGGY HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?  
>Yeah, but mine's better.<p>

IS IGGY GOOD AT POKER?  
>He beats me sometimes.<p>

WHICH FLOCK MEMBER IS THE BEST AT POKER?  
>Angel, hands down.<p>

DO YOU WANT TO BE A BILLIONARE, SO FREAKING BAD?  
>Sure.<p>

DOES MAX PRETEND AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY ARE LIKE SHOOTING STARS?  
>Doubt it. What's the point in doing that anyway?<p>

DOES MAX LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE?  
>What?<p>

WHY DOES NUDGE TALK SO MUCH?  
>I don't know. But don't ask her. She'd ramble on for all eternity.<p>

DOES NUDGE HAVE AN OFF BUTTON?  
>I wish.<p>

DOES GAZZY ALWAYS EAT BEANS AND MEAT? IS THAT WHY HE HAS SO MUCH GAS?  
>No, he can make a fart storm after eating a bowl of steamed vegetables.<p>

DO YOU LOVE MAX MORE OR THE REST OF THE FLOCK MORE?  
>They're all my family.<p>

HOW TALL ARE YOU?  
>Taller than Max.<p>

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT MAX?  
>Everything.<p>

ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?  
>I could never be as Fangalicious as you'd want me to be.<p>

Fly on,  
>Fang<p> 


	2. Re: Q&A

**Comment #245**

**Max from Colorado says:  
><strong>Fang! Hey, it's me. I never really care to check out your blog, but Nudge recommended this one, said it was really funny. So here I am. The kids are tired of Max School, so we're all taking a break, including me, for once. I feel at ease.  
>I'm commenting on the comments you put on the long comment that crazy person sent you. Comments within comments. COMMENTCEPTION. I know, I'm original.<p>

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?  
>No, mon.<br>Fang has a Valley Girl accent. "Like, Max, we should like _totally_ kick that Eraser's, like, _butt, _oh my gosh!"

DO YOU MOLT?  
>Gross.<br>Fang's wings become this embarrassing, naked pink every sixth months! He refuses to leave his room and even kiss me. (In case you're stupid, I'm kidding.)

WHAT'S YOUR STAR SIGN?  
>Dunno. "Angel, what's my star sign?" She says Scorpio.<br>Angel says mine is Aries, whatever that means.

HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?  
>No.<br>What?

DOES NOT HAVING AN EXTRA POWER MAKE YOU ANGRY?  
>Well, that's not, technically speaking, true…<br>Fang can blend in to the background really, _really_ well. Hint, hint.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?  
>No.<br>Fang's moonwalk is just him walking backwards and singing Michael Jackson.

CAN IGGY DO THE MOONWALK?  
>Yeah, and it's beast. So can the Gasman.<br>No way. Gazzy's moonwalk is still in the making.

DO YOU USE HAIR GEL OR ANY OTHER HAIR PRODUCTS TO MAKE YOUR HAIR SEXY?  
>No. My hair is sexy?<br>Fang's lying to ya. He uses a dozen different conditioners.

DO YOU SHAMPOO YOUR WINGS WHEN YOU TAKE A SHOWER?  
>No. I'd rather not be kicking someone's butt with fruity smells coming from my back. No one would take me seriously.<br>Fang, why do you smell like strawberries?

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?  
>There are a lot. I enjoyed Inception, though. And the Matrix. Badassery at its finest.<br>Inception blew my mind.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF MUSIC?  
>Rock.<br>Rock, along with some other stuff.

WHAT'S THE FLOCK'S FAVORITE MUSICAL GROUP?  
>A couple of mine are Three Days Grace, Green Day, Breaking Benjamin, etc. Max likes rock too, along with some chick named Sara Bareilles, and Nudge likes Miley Cyrus (gag!) Iggy and Gazzy love rap.<br>Sara B is awesome. She doesn't let anyone tell her what to do.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?  
>Don't have one.<br>_Somewhere Only We Know_ by Keane.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?  
>Max, when she's not covered in blood andor dirt.  
>That is too sweet of you... I think I'm going to explode from the cuteness.<p>

DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?  
>No, not really. More like mildly irritated, amused.<br>I love 'em so far.

IF I WALKED UP TO YOU RANDOMLY AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?  
>You'd probably get kicked. When you reveal who you are, you'd probably just get kicked again.<br>Agreed.

DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?  
>Only by certain people.<br>Doesn't everybody?

ARE YOU GOING EMO BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING AT SAVING THE WORLD?  
>Not the emo thing again.<br>More like not emotional enough. His nickname is Mr. Rock.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?  
>Anything served to me fresh and hot by Iggy.<br>That and my Mom's cooking. Mom makes all food taste better.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH TODAY?  
>Four turkey sandwiches. Lemonade. Two pieces of apple pie.<br>I had that plus and extra piece of pie.

DID YOU EVEN HAVE LUNCH TODAY?  
>See above.<br>See above the see above.

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?  
>I was still alive, so I think not.<br>He totally did.

DO YOU LIKE MAX? A LOT?  
>Yes.<br>I like myself too.

DO YOU _LOVE _MAX? A LOT?  
>See above.<br>Awww. Fang, I am so going to glomp you now. And I love you too.

DO YOU LIKE ME?  
>I think you're funny, even if you are a little off-kilter.<br>You're a riot.

DOES IGGY LIKE ME?  
>Iggy doesn't know who you are.<br>Iggy loves crazy fangirls.

DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?  
>No. Ick.<br>He's a regular Edgar Allan Poe.

IS IT ABOUT MAX?  
>Ahh. No.<br>I'm obnoxious, but not depressing.

IS IT ABOUT ARI?  
>Don't bring up Ari. And no.<br>I have nothing to say, for once.

IS IT ABOUT JEB?  
>Why do you assume I write depressing poetry?<br>Jeb is a spawn of Satan.

ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK MY COMMENTS?  
>Clearly not.<br>Nope.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?  
>A Perfect Circle t-shirt. Jeans, black Vans.<br>A tank top, pajama pants, flip-flops; because they're comfortable. I'm not the most fashion conscious girl, that's Nudge.

DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>No freaking comment.<br>Oh my God…

DOES MAX KNOW IF YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>Again, no freaking comment.<br>Uhh…

HAS MAX SEEN YOU IN YOUR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>I'm not answering this question.<br>Max does not speak without her attorney present.

WHAT BRAND ARE YOUR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  
>Why are you obsessed with my underpants?<br>Fruit of the Loom. Or is it Calvin and Klein… also, they're all black.

DID YOU FIND THOSE QUESTIONS PERSONAL?  
>Personal is an understatement. More like stalkerish.<br>You, commenter, are the Personal Space Invader.

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?  
>Sometimes. Cheap ones.<br>He thinks he looks so cool.

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?  
>Seeing would be tough if I did that.<br>That's stupid.

DO YOU SMOKE COCONUTS LIKE WE DO?  
>Huh?<br>Duh.

DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?  
>Max is blonde. You take it from there.<br>He used to like redheads. I'm glad he changed his mind.

DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?  
>All fanged creatures rock.<br>Neither. How about mutant bird children?

ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDED TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING LISSA? AND BY KISSING MAX?  
>No.<br>If he only kisses me to hide the fact he is freaking _gay_, I am going to kick his sorry butt into the middle of next week.

DO YOU THINK IGGY IS HOT?  
>I don't play for that team. Ask Ella, she'll tell you.<br>Iggy is like my son… ew.

WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?  
>Yes.<br>I'd hope he'd tell me too.

DO YOU LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT?  
>She's okay, I guess.<br>She is way too unoriginal.

DO YOU LIKE BEING CALLED EMO?  
>No.<br>No one does.

ARE YOU EMO?  
>Do you see me slitting my wrists?<br>Define emo first.

ARE YOU GOTH?  
>Whatever.<br>He wears black but (thankfully) doesn't wear eyeliner.

DO YOU LIKE BACON?  
>Yes. I had bacon for breakfast.<br>I prefer eggs.

DO YOU LIKE EATING?  
>Who doesn't love eating? It's a hobby of mine.<br>The whole flock loves pigging out.

HEY, HEY! YOU, YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY! CAN I BE YOUR NEW ONE?  
>No.<br>I can read this, you know. And Fang is _mine. _

DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?  
>Are you suggesting that you secretly think I'm the sexiest person in the world?<br>That's Iggy. He digs himself.

DOES MAX SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?  
>You'd have to ask her.<br>Hey, in my defense, Fang is pretty sexy.

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX?  
>That is classified information I do not disclose to the common public.<br>Eek! If you need me, I'll be throwing up my lunch…

HAS ANGEL EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX AND GONE "EWW"?  
>Hahahaha. No. If she did, though, she probably wouldn't say 'eww'. Angel's a creepy kid.<br>Angel would just hand him a box of condoms or something. *Shudders*

DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?  
>SpongeBob is a freaking God.<br>I love Krabby Patties, I think they are swell.

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?  
>Oh, yeah, of course.<br>SpongeBob is total fap material.

ARE YOU A GOOD COOK?  
>Iggy cooks.<br>Fang doesn't cook.

DO YOU LIKE COOKING?  
>I like eating.<br>I like cooking with my mom.

IS MAX A GOOD COOK?  
>You know the answer to that.<br>I hate you all.

DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?  
>I thought it was obvious.<br>Everyone does.

DO YOU WANT TO NEVER GROW UP?  
>I probably won't have the chance to, considering the apocalypse.<br>I'll mentally never grow up anyway.

DO YOU NOT CARE WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS AS LONG AS IT'S ABOUT YOU?  
>Whatever.<br>Sure.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO PLAY POKER?  
>Online.<br>TV.

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?  
>Totally.<br>Duh, Fang has an awesome poker face.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES IGGY HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?  
>Yeah, but mine's better.<br>Will Iggy raise? Or fold?

IS IGGY GOOD AT POKER?  
>He beats me sometimes.<br>Iggy's all right.

WHICH FLOCK MEMBER IS THE BEST AT POKER?  
>Angel, hands down.<br>Angel, but only because she cheats.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A BILLIONARE, SO FREAKING BAD?  
>Sure.<br>Yeah.

DOES MAX PRETEND AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY ARE LIKE SHOOTING STARS?  
>Doubt it. What's the point in doing that anyway?<br>No. What the hell?

DOES MAX LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE?  
>What?<br>"Other than my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." Fang sucks at playing the harmonica. When he told this to a whitecoat, I totally fell in love with him.

WHY DOES NUDGE TALK SO MUCH?  
>I don't know. But don't ask her. She'd ramble on for all eternity.<br>Maybe they gave her chatterbox DNA.

DOES NUDGE HAVE AN OFF BUTTON?  
>I wish.<br>We can only hope.

DOES GAZZY ALWAYS EAT BEANS AND MEAT? IS THAT WHY HE HAS SO MUCH GAS?  
>No, he can make a fart storm after eating a bowl of steamed vegetables.<br>The Gasman hates beans.

DO YOU LOVE MAX MORE OR THE REST OF THE FLOCK MORE?  
>They're all my family.<br>Personal question, much?

HOW TALL ARE YOU?  
>Taller than Max.<br>Hey now! Puberty gave you an edge. I'd been taller than you until we were thirteen.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT MAX?  
>Everything.<br>Awwww!

ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?  
>I could never be as Fangalicious as you'd want me to be.<br>He is_ so_ Fangalicious. I would know.

-Max


End file.
